may my heart always be open to little birds

who are the secrets of living

and may myself do nothing usefully
11 April 1988
External Services:
  • tea_and_snark@livejournal.com
  • HIndyVt
Hi. I make movies at Johns Hopkins University and at home. They're pretty lame, but I have fun, and I explain the whole process here. Sometimes, with porn.


tea_and_snark, though now a known name in literary circles, began her career modestly as an apprentice page-turner in a large print shop. Unfortunately, an aggressive bout of carpal tunnel syndrome forced her to quit this potentially lucrative career.

Having given up on the page-turning industry, she turned her attention to horticulture. Her attempts to breed forth a herbivorous Venus Flytrap were initially less than successful, with substantial casualties in her phlox colonies. However, the demolished phlox clusters were found to mask the site of a 17th century sepulchre, one first believed to house the remains of one Ms. Eloise Kirkby, but later found to contain a vast quantity of manuscripts detailing the proper way of preparing stoat. These manuscripts proved to be a source of endless inspiration for tea_and_snark, who soon took both the fiction world and the cooking circles by storm when she published the cookbook "Stoat for All Seasons" and the six-volume work "Here We Go 'Round the Flow'ring Phlox", which details the life and times of a three-armed horticulturist named Henri Davidow.

tea_and_snark is still active in cooking circles, and makes a lucrative living of traveling around the world teaching people the proper way to enjoy your stoat. "Lightly braised and with a dash of lemon, my dear" is her rallying cry. Her horticultural efforts have also paid off, and the Vegan Flytrap is all the rage among the young and environmentally conscious.

~biographical sketch provided by empy~

tea_and_snark was abandoned as a child at 10 Downing Street. Her parentage is unknown, the only clues being a small golden crown and a letter with the British Royal Seal on it. She was noted as having a small silver birthmark in the shape of Margaret Thatcher's house.

She was educated at an orphanage in Southern Brazil, where she was a star pupil, though her school file includes some rather confusing mentions of a tendency to turn into a small ferret when alarmed.

Her well-documented adulthood included single-handedly feeding the poor of Africa with her world-famous kitten-loaf, although she encountered resistance in South Africa and ultimately gave up and retired to a quiet life as a rock star.

She now lives on a house boat anchored in the Atlantic Ocean, where she squid-fishes and enjoys the company of several shipwrecked sailors, whom she generously takes in (rumors of her torpedoing ships with particularly attractive crewmen have been almost completely discounted). She is said to bear a startling resemblance to The Mona Lisa, if one imagines the Mona Lisa in black leather. In her spare time, she knits elephant booties and teaches a correspondence course on how to blackmail the Royal Family.

~alternate biographical sketch provided by kadewire~

Journal layout and icons by refche, featuring poetry by Rumi translated by Coleman Barks.

about this journal: All original fiction, most tales about my family, and a few rants of a personal nature will be posted friends-only; the rest of the journal is public. Original fiction posts will be private-locked a week after they were first posted. All who friend this journal will be friended. This started as a fan fic journal (hence the disclaimer below) but readers looking for fic should be aware that very little fan fiction is posted here any longer.

I do not own nor claim to own the works upon which fan fiction materials on this journal are based, including Good Omens (Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett), Harry Potter (J. K. Rowling), Sandman, Neverwhere and "Murder Mysteries" (Neil Gaiman), Firefly (Joss Whedon) or any other works as specifically noted. I have not and do not seek to make profit from the use of these works in fan fiction materials.